Good-Bye

So today was the day… the day I said Good-Bye, to my best friend, my first love, my true love. I am not sure how I was able to do it nor do I know if I will stay strong and stick to it.
McDreamy and I had another conversation ending up always where we end up… and never resolving anything. Yet today I decided to be strong and speak my mind and tell him I don’t like living like this and I never will.
He wants to still be friends, but I can’t do it, I need complete separation to get over him. Of course it hurt the whole conversation I was crying. I didn’t want to say Good-Bye and always thought he would be the one to walk away, however, I realized he never would and I would always been in the same position, feeling horrible about it.
So no more texting, no more phone calls, no more McDreamy… my eyes have been filled with tears ever since the end of the conversation… in a way I wish there was a drug that could make me forget because I fear that there is no one out there for me like him… I know I am not suppose to compare guys, yet it’s clear that everyone compares past relationships to the new ones.

The difficult part is wanting to text him, because its a routine to text every day… I could text him for hours and not get bored yet others I just stop texting because they do not intrigue me… horrible I know.

I just want to make this pain go away… it’s the worst pain I have ever felt. Give me physical pain I can cope with that yet emotional pain rips me apart. It’s a time when I want to be by myself and wallow in my sorrow yet understand that the best thing is to be around people so I do not have thoughts of him.

Troy was the best tonight he helped a lot even though he did not think so because he did not make me laugh, it got my mind off him and onto him movie in with me at the start of June. We talked about that and video games… it’s truly a god-sent.

I will miss him… McDreamy… tons yet as I kept telling myself from day 1 this will be beneficial in the long run, even though my heart does not want to go through this pain… I so wished he would stay