Live With No Excuses, Love With No Regrets
As you can see I have not written in well a couple years, mainly because I did not have anything to write about or of any significant meaning. I moved on from McDreamy, to McSteamy a year later. Was it the right choice well as of today no it was not.
As some say opposites attract, yet from trying it first hand it doesn’t work in the end. We were never right for each other. I fell in love yes I can say that twice now, yet fell quickly out of love after the lies and deceit that continued for the last 11 months. A little at a time my heart weakened, and 3 hours ago I got in my car and drove off for good, leaving all the complications in my dust. However, I sit here with dried up tears on my cheeks and my eyes still ready to let the water works begin again.
What did I do wrong? Did I deserve this? Is God punishing me?
While always being an emotional person it haunts me today because my heart is out weighing my mind. I can hear my heart beating yet with every beat they continue to fade. I honestly felt like I did everything right until the first lie/deceit then I close up, I shut the door, because when I get hurt it lasts awhile. The trust diminished, rightfully so. After a couple months it grew again, but then I would catch him in another lie and back down to zero he would go. Today I realized “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” meaning you can’t change someone and that’s not the type of person I would to be spend rest of my life with.
Guilt trips continue, why are you doing this to me? Yet really who hurt who first? There’s a big picture here and clearly he never saw me in this picture. I was just a pawn in his chess game, being exposed and used to further himself.
Yeah life is difficult right now, I never know if I am coming or going. I do not know what the next step in life is, and I wish I knew I wish I could read the novel of my life and clearly follow it in order to avoid the complications, however that wouldn’t be life then would it.
One day I will be happy… today isn’t that day.
