Posted in Burdens on January 22, 2008 by littlenobes
I’ve never wanted someone so bad before, I’ve never cared so much, I’ve never put forth so much effort… to have it all for not. To love a person so much yet having to be second fiddle. Never in my life did I think love could be so painful. I thought love as an eternity of joy/happiness. Why bring a person into my life , if I cannot have them? To be honest… I think it’s torture.
Most of the time pain can be managed, but sometimes the pain gets you when you least expect it. Pain… you just have to fight through it, because truth is you can’t out ran it and life always makes more. There’s no resolutions, no easy answers, just breathe deep and wait for it to subside.
Posted in Thoughts on January 22, 2008 by littlenobes
Do you ever feel you are at a stand still in your life, not knowing what the next step might possibly be? Where do you look for guidance… or who? Life is difficult as I have figured out at a young age, struggling with my existence. One minute, I feel like I am at the top of a mountain and then something happened and I am stumbling to keep my footing as I fall down the mountain. How do I learn to stay on top, instead of always falling at least half way down or better yet landing face first at the bottom of the mountain?
What is my purpose in life… do I even have one? My feelings control the best of me at times, I can never sort them out. Yet when I step into the public eye, I remind myself to take one of my many masks with me in order to disguise myself. Why a mask you ask? It is simple, in this day and age, people are too busy in their own lives to care about each other. Never knowing how their friends/family members/spouse truely feels. Letting people into my life is hard for me to endure because I know one day they will have to leave, without me wanting them to. So I save myself the heartache with putting on my mask every day. Yet there are days when I forget it at home… and possibly open myself up a little only to feel the anguish of sadness.
“Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you will get” – Forrest Gump Tom Hanks
I know risks are a part of life and certain risks will lead to “happyness” yet others will lead to hardships. I wish I would know what chocolate to pick along with the right time to eat it.
